Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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