Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I got inside last night via doggy door
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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