Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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