i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
