Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
