you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
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Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
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May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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