Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
