Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
