the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
