So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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