she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
