hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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