New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
