Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
