Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
