Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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