and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
