We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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