I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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