when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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