I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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