When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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