I'm really into asian looking animals
Just cropdusted the office
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
