I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
