I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
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she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
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my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
did you just send me my own nude
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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