so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
