don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
