the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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