So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
