i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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