yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
