Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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