She's JV to your varsity
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
