I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
