i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
