Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
