I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
