How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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