Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
