She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
time to smoke my breakfast
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.