I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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