You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."