Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
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Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT