Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
