We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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