conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My ass is underappreciated
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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