Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
