I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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