last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
