Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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