is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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