So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
