You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
