So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Is it penis luge time yet?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
