Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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