Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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