i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize